Punished
by everythingisok
Summary: A short story set after Ana leaves Christian regarding the incident about the belt. Christian is left as a mess of guilt-ridden, heart-broken CEO. How will he survive? What if he resorts back to his coping mechanism as a 15 year old boy? Will Ana come back when she finds out Christian is hurting? No cheating, multiple POV, HEA. Warning, themes of pain and BDSM in first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-Punished**

 **CG**

She's gone. The pain grips me, squeezing my heart until there's nothing left.

I sink to the floor, staring at my half-empty glass of bourbon. Elena's words come back: _Remember Christian, Love is for fools._

The only problem with that was Ana. Ana, with her bright smile and big heart, believed wholeheartedly in love.

Daisy Buchanan once said in _The Great Gatsby: "I hope she'll be a fool-that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful, little fool._

Yeah, Ana was a fool, the most beautiful fool I have ever met. She was a fool for tripping in my office, she was a fool for signing my contract, and she was a fool for loving a monster.

I wanted to keep her my fool, keep her bright smile and beautiful giggle. But I guess I was _fooling_ myself all along.

And now, she's no longer a _fool._ She sees me for who I am.

I've hurt Ana. I broke her heart. She gave me everything; she gave me her breathtaking smile, her beautiful giggle, her bright heart.

And what did I do?

I tied her up and whipped her with my thickest belt.

In my defense, I warned her, time and time again, that she can't love me, that a sadist like me wasn't worth loving. But she didn't listen, the way Anastasia never listens.

She could've safe worded, but she didn't do that either. She just laid there and took every lash. She even counted.

By now, I've downed my fourth glass of bourbon. I had hurt the only person I swear I'd never hurt.

She consented to it, of course, but I knew better. Ana's too innocent in the world of BDSM, and I've crushed that innocence. It should've been me on the whipping bench.

I look at all the bottles of beer, bourbon, and whiskey littered around me. How do I get rid of this pain? It's as if a thousand cigarettes are being simultaneously pressed into my chest.

 _How do I stop this?_

The answer to that is quite simple. Pain. Only pain can mask pain. Physical pain can always cover up all the emotional scars.

With that in mind, I call Elena.

"Christian, sweetie, how have you been? You know, it's been such a long time since I've seen you. You really must stop by sometime." She purrs, making me gag.

"Elena, find me a Dom, him or her, I don't care, just make sure he or she's good with a cane. Tell them not to expect sex of any kind. I want…no, I _need_ someone to punish me. Severely."

I hear Elena's frown over the phone. "Christian, sweetie, is everything alright? I can always…"

Her sentence is cut off by my growl. "No, Elena. That's gross; I'm not 15 anymore. Just do as I fucking asked."

Elena sighs. "Ok, sweetie, whatever you need. I'll have your Dom selected in 30 minutes."

I nod, and without saying another word, head over.

The smell of wood mixed with leather greets my nose when I step into Elena's club, Escalava, and I run my hands along the black, menacing edge of the wall, caressing the dark oak. Elena, with her Botox face and bleached hair comes strutting over. I give her a fake kiss on the cheek.

"Your Dom is waiting for you in room 309. I must warn you, he's known to be strict."

"The stricter, the better."

Room 309, I used this room many times before, it was where I first trained to be a Dom, but here I am again. Christian, the submissive.

Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to slip into my submissive zone. The familiar sense of peace washes over me. _Yes_ , this is what I need, to allow someone else to take away my pain. Well, at least the emotional part.

I enter the room, eyes down, head bowed, and kneel. I've already undressed in the smaller, side room. As I kneel, I make sure my back is straight, my knees apart. I interlace my hands, opening my shoulders, and place them behind my head.

I've already communicated to Elena that I just want to be punished, no sex, and I'm sure she told my Dom, whoever the hell he is.

I'm not into guys, but I've tried everything, and if it's just for punishment, I'm ok with it. Plus, the thought of being with another woman repulses me.

A man crouches down in front of me. He has mocha dark eyes that glow with warmth. "I'm Jose. Are you Christian?" he asks.

" **Yes, sir."** I say, keeping my eyes down.

"And you contacted Elena. She said you wanted to be punish with a cane. Is that information correct?

" **Yes, sir."**

"May I ask why you want to be punished so badly?"

" **It's personal, sir."**

He nods in understanding. "Ok, I won't push the matter, although I wish you'd tell me. Are you experienced with a cane?" he asks.

" **I have been, sir."**

He raises his eyebrows. "Please elaborate."

" **I was very experienced with the cane when I was a submissive, but I haven't been a sub in 4 years, sir."**

His eyebrows furrow. "You're a Dom?" he asks. It was a question.

" **Yes, sir."**

"Then why are you being a sub tonight?"

" **Like I said, it's personal sir."**

His eyebrows remain furrowed. "You said you didn't want any sex, and no touching on the chest whatsoever, you also mentioned you didn't want aftercare. Your safe words are yellow and red. Is this all correct?"

" **Yes, sir."**

"Anything else you would like to bring to my attention?"

" **Yes sir. I would prefer you don't stop canning me until I safe word, and I would also like to request the black, synthetic cane…Sir."**

I peek at my Dom; his eyes seem to bore into me. "You want to punish yourself for something, don't you?" He finally asks. It was more of a statement.

" **Yes, sir."**

"Ok, I'll do as you ask, but you must promise me something."

" **Anything, sir."**

"You'll safe word when you need, is that understood? This is BDSM, not abuse."

" **Yes sir, I understand."**

"Very well, please go to the black cross."

I slowly get up, ignoring the light ache in my knees, and walk to the cross. Jose, my Dom, comes and bounds me, cuffing both my wrist and ankles.

The cool air in the room prickles my skin, and I shiver. Jose lays a hand on my back; I think it's to comfort me in some odd way…

Soon, I hear the all too familiar whistling of the cane slicing through the air. At first, I don't feel anything, but then the red, hot line of pain blossoms down my back.

"Ahhh…" I cry out in surprise.

 _Fuck, this hurts._

As the canning continued, my body begins to relax.

 _Yes, this hurts, but it's the better kind of hurt. The pain drives out all regrets, all heartache._

Again and again, the cane cracks across my back. I screw my eyes shut.

I know I shouldn't think about Ana, but my mind slips as it goes into subspace, the endorphins pulsing through me.

 _Did she feel this much pain when I whipped her? Why didn't she safe word? I should've never used the belt on her. No, not on my fragile Ana. I wonder what she's doing? Is she thinking of me? Is she crying? Is she eating? Oh no! What if she's not eating? She'd remember to take care of herself right? I should've never whipped her, should've never let the tears course down her face. She said she loves me. But is that possible? No, no, it's not. I'm not worth loving. I deserve punishment. Yes, this is justice. Justice for my actions._

I don't know for sure, but I think my back is numb. Then, the canning stops. I feel someone unbinding me, and I sink to the floor, unable to stand.

"You didn't safe word." Jose's voice is accusatory.

I lie on the floor, and for the first time, I cry.

Jose crouches by me. "Hey, hey, hey. It's over. You're ok." He continues to softly whisper in my ears as I cry, letting out all the pain of losing Ana.

Finally, my tears die down to the occasional sniffle and hiccup. The wooden floor is hard beneath me, and I register someone, probably Jose, draping a blanket around my naked body.

"Here, let me help you." he offers, trying to sling my arm around his shoulder, but I stumble, the act of standing too painful to bear.

After trying two more times and failing both. Jose helps me onto the large, red bed in the room. "I'll be right back." He tells me, gently.

Not even 5 minutes later, Jose comes back with Taylor. _Taylor._

He frowns at me. "Mr. Grey." He also sounds accusatory. Jose looks sheepish, scratching the back of his neck.

"He told me not to stop until he safe worded, but he never did, so…" Jose points to my back with lacerations all over it.

Taylor seems unhappy, worried even.

"Mr. Grey." He says again. This time his voice contains a tinge of sympathy. He slings me onto his back.

Taylor's strong. I'll give him that.

"This is because of Ana, isn't it?" he finally asks, and I feel new tears forming in my eyes. Taylor sighs as he carries me back to Escala.

Soon, I'm tucked in my own bed, the deep blue of my bedroom surrounding me, but it's missing something.

 _Someone._

Unable to resist the call of sleep, my eyelids fall shut, only to be awaken by a nightmare.

 ** _2 days later_**

The pain returned.

 _No, not the physical pain._

My back is starting to heal. I could not get out of bed for the last two days, but today, I was able to stagger to the shower. Of course, I shielded away from the hot, cascading water as it splashed on my fresh welts.

Gail has been fussing. She made chicken soap and practically spoon-fed me. I told her there was no need, that I wasn't hungry, but a new thing I learned about Gail was, she is stubborn.

As my physical pain started to heal and fade away, my emotional pain returned.

 _The pain of what I did to Ana._

The drinking started again. Taylor found me this afternoon shit drunk. He was not amused to say the least, and now he confiscated all of my alcohol.

 _How the fuck did he know where I hid the whiskey?_

I can't sleep, can't do anything. A complete, dysfunctional mess of a guilt-ridden, heart-broken CEO.

I need something.

 _I need Ana._

But I chased her away, so I'll have to settle on something else, something to take away my pain.

 _Another canning?_

I call Elena.

"Christian, it's such a surprise to hear from you so soon. Jose said he went pretty hard on you, I think he's a bit guilty, but I'm sure you could take anything after my training." Her voice is too sickly sweet, and my skin crawls.

"Listen Elena, get Jose for me. I'll be there in half-an-hour." I say and hang up.

Somehow, someway, I managed to sneak pass Taylor and Gail. The club isn't far, and I call a taxi. I hiss as I sit down, and the driver shoots me a quizzical look.

Soon, I'm standing in front of room 309. I am Christian, the submissive, once again.

Jose's already sitting cross legged on the big, red bed. I've never studied him closely, but he has short tuffs of dark hair that matches his eyes, and his olive tan skin ripples with the muscles beneath them.

He's regarding me with concern.

"Take off your shirt." He commands. His voice is soft.

I obey and sit in front of him. I feel his fingers lightly caress each welt.

"I'm not canning you again, you still need to heal, and I can't trust you to use your safe words." He finally says.

My heart plummets.

" **Please sir."** I beg.

He shakes his head. "No, Christian. I don't know why you want to be punished so badly, but I'm not doing it. It's not healthy." He states.

My mind races as I consider this, and I know there's no other way. " **If I tell you why I wanted to punished, will you cane me?"** I ask.

Jose's eyebrows knit together. "I guess it depends, but there's really very little you could do to convince me that you deserved to be punished." He says.

I close my eyes. **"Sir, you know how I told you I was a Dom?"**

"Yes, I was curious about that."

" **Well, I had several subs, but my last one, well, she was not really my sub. I think I loved her.**

Jose nods, a small smile playing by his lips.

"Ahh, I know the feeling."

" **But she's gone sir. I chased her away. We got in a big fight, and I was so angry that I belted her. I didn't stop, not even when she safe worded."**

The last sentence was a lie, of course, but it would do the trick. As a Dom, the first rule you must learn is to respect your sub's limits, or else BDSM crosses into the lines of abuse. And when a Dom abuses his sub, it's the most despicable thing. This is the greatest crime of a Dom.

Jose's eyes flare with anger. "You what?" His soft voice was gone; his new voice sends shivers down my back.

I bow my head, knowing I got my wish.

"How could you do that? You must've devastated her, did you even comfort her afterwards? You abused her. You know we all say BDSM is not abuse, but assholes like you ruin that.

I keep my head bowed.

Jose gets up and starts pacing the room, balling his fists.

I wait.

"You know what? I take back what I said, you do deserve to be punished. Jesus, how can someone even do that to another person? Go to the cross, now, and don't forget your fucking safe words because I will never stoop to abuse."

" **Yes sir."**

Jose immediately cuffs me, and the cane cuts across my back. Hard.

 _Much Harder._

My old can welts rip open as the new ones slice into my tender flesh, but I don't care. This is what I need. Pain.

Time passes. I don't safe word because I know I don't deserve to safe word. I just take every lash, allowing the pain to consume me, and strangely, I find peace, the same way I did when I was 15.

After a while, everything turns dark.

I wake, and a very worried Jose is bent over me. He's running his hands through my hair.

"Christian? Christian?"

"Yeah…what?" my voice strains because it's so raw. I try moving, but soon realize every fiber of my body hurts as if I'm lying on glass shards.

Jose strokes my cheek. "I am so, so sorry."

"What for?" I ask, still puzzled and slightly dazed.

Jose sighs, his eyes flashing with guilt and sympathy. "Once you told me what you did to your sub, I was so mad because as a Dom…I…never mind…I was just so, so mad that I lost control, and you didn't use your safe words, yet again." At this, he shoots me an accusatory look but continues. "Like I said, you didn't safe word and I lost control. I caned you so hard and long that you passed out. I'm sorry." He says, bowing his head.

I quirk my eyebrows. "What are you sorry for? I asked for it." I say, trying to shrug my shoulders, but the pain across by back stops me.

Jose sighs. "I already applied arnica cream. Your back, however…I don't know, it's pretty bad." He says.

"It's ok. Don't beat yourself up, I asked for it." I tell him honestly.

Jose sighs again. "I already called Elena, and she somehow got hold of Taylor. I think he's going to be here soon. By the way, he's pretty pissed."

 _Oh no, Taylor. I snuck past him. He's probably beyond pissed, more like full-on rage._

Before I can even finish my thought, Taylor comes storming through the doors. He's dressed in nothing but sweat pants and a t-shirt. He was probably sleeping.

Jose goes to talk with him quietly; Taylor's fists clench and unclench.

"I see." He finally says, completely devoid of emotion.

He doesn't say anything as he helps me up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-Healing.**

 **Taylor:**

The person lying on the bed used to resemble my boss. Red, painful welts cover the entirety of his back, and I hear his sniffles coming from the other room.

Christian has been bleeding off and on for the past two days. Every time he moved, a cane welt will split open, staining the white sheets with streaks of blood.

Christian has also been crying. Several times, I had heard his heart-wrenching sobs and saw him hugging Ana's old pillow.

He has refused all of Gail's care. Every time she would approach him, he would knock off her tray of food and throw the dishes until the pieces smashed against the wall.

I haven't allowed him to go see that vile bitch or Jose. It's ridiculous how I need to hire extra security to keep him from hurting himself. Even last night, he tried to sneak off, yet again.

I know this is his way of coping with pain, but I simply can't allow him to cane himself into oblivion.

He's crying again. I go and check on him. In front of me is a shell of a man. His muscles have lost their previous strength, and his once shiny skin looks dry and scratchy.

 _Oh Ana, Why did you have to leave?_

 **Ana:**

It has been six days since I've lost him.

 _Six_

I come home from work, shrugging off my jacket and kicking off my shoes. I curl myself under the blankets and cry.

It's what I've been doing for the past six days.

 _Crying._

My doorbell rings.

Not wanting anyone to see the emotional wreck I am, I let it ring, pretending no one's home.

It rings again.

Still, I ignore it.

Yet, it continues ringing.

After the tenth ring, I decide it's pointless. I get up, dabbing my eyes with tissues and securing a warm sweater around me before answering the door.

 _Taylor._

"Ms. Steele." He nods at me, rain dripping from his clothes.

"Taylor? Taylor? My gosh, what are you doing here? Please, come in." I say. He gives me a sad smile and nod. "It's nice to you see again, Ana."

"It's pouring outside, what are you doing here?" I ask.

Taylor's eyes crinkle at the corners. "I came here because of Christian, mam." He replies politely.

My heart stops.

"Something happened to Christian?" I ask. The cup in my hand drops and shatters.

Taylor immediately bends down and helps me pick up the glass shards. "No, no, not like that. I mean he's not dead or anything. It's just…I think he really misses you..."

My forehead creases as I wrinkle my eyebrows. "Wait, what do you mean? He said if I ever walked out, our arrangement would be over. And well, I walked out."

Taylor sighs, burying his head in his hands. "Normally, mam, that's the case. Christian never chased after any of his submissives. But Ana, you weren't his sub. I think he loved you. I have, never in all my years of working with him, seen him treat any sub the way he treats you. I don't want to force you into any type of relationship you don't want. I understand why you left. Truly, I do. But Ana, Christian needs you. He had someone cane him…and he…"

"wait…What?" I squeak.

 _Did he just say Christian had someone cane him?_

Taylor nods solemnly. "Yes, he's in really bad condition; I can hardly recognize my old boss. Please, I'm not asking you to be his sub or girlfriend, I just want you to go visit him. I think he really needs you."

Taylor doesn't need to say any more, I'm already up.

I don't bother changing into something nice, or trying to fix my appearance; I grab my purse and keys as Taylor ushers me to his waiting car.

The car ride is silent but not uncomfortable. I stare out at the rainy city, pedestrians hurrying along the sidewalks and bumping into each other. I wonder if any of them are heart-broken, if any of them love someone that can't love them back, if any of them are going to see a broken, megalomaniac CEO.

We pull into Escala, the building is exactly the way I remembered with its towering windows and chilling exterior. Taylor holds my door, and I give him a smile in which he returns with a nod.

I fidget as the elevator whisks up us, hastily tucking my hair behind my ears. There's really not much I can do to make myself look presentable.

The door dings, and Taylor gives me a sad look, leading me to Christian's room.

"He hasn't gotten out of bed for the past few days." Taylor sadly explains, cracking the door open and gesturing me in.

I take a deep breath, "Christian?" I squeak.

Christian's curled in fetal position, his arms tightly wrapped around a pillow.

 _My pillow._

He has a white sheet draped over him, and in the dark, I make out the traces of blood.

"Christian?" I squeak again, venturing further into the room. The blinds are drawn, and I can barely see his lone shadow.

I flick on the lights, and his head shoots up. For the first time, I see the red rims around his puffy, grey eyes.

 _He has been crying._

"Ana." He gasps, sitting up and causing the light, white sheet to fall off his shoulders.

My hands fly up to cover my mouth.

 _His back,_ it is completely covered in cane welts, some old and fresh. They crisscross over his shoulders and down his waist, layering over one another. Blisters form all around the fresh welts, and some are oozing blood. Parts of his back are bruised, turning the once healthy-looking skin into ugly shades of purple and blue.

 _Oh, my fifty._

"Christian…" I say gently, softly, approaching him like a hurt puppy.

He grabs the sheet and wraps it around himself. I can see his body shaking as tears drip down his cheeks, and my own tears begin to fall.

"Ana…" he murmurs and he is visibly crying now.

"Christian." I whisper, and before he can react, envelope him in a hug.

I run my hands through his greasy, copper hair, and kiss his temple. I know I shouldn't, but seeing him like this. It's too much.

"Ana." He sobs, breaking down in my arms. He's hiccupping and sniffling at the same time. "I…I…never…I never…meant to…hurt….you…." He tries to speak through sobs.

"Shhhh, Shhh, I know. I know, it's ok. Everything's going to be alright." I calm.

He fists his hands in my shirt, and I feel his snot, mixed with tears, smear on my skin. He's hugging me so tight that I'm worried my rib-cage might break.

"Shhh…it's ok…I know." I continue to calm as he sniffles. He buries his head in the crook of my neck and pulls me towards him.

His tears soak through the woolen fabric of my sweater, and I see my own tears rolling down his back marred with all the hideous cane welts.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I just hold him in my arms, resting my chin on his head, and with every second that passes, I feel the pieces in my heart begin to put themselves together.

He eventually cries himself out and lays limp in my arms, head still buried in my hair. I don't think I've ever seen someone cry this hard, but I just hold him, for as long as he needs me.

"Christian, baby, can you look at me?" I finally ask. He immediately gazes up, furiously rubbing his misty eyes with the back of his hands.

 _He really is a lost, little puppy._

I run my hands down his cheek. "Why? Why would you do this to yourself?" I ask, helping him wipe away an escaped tear.

He gives a shameful, little shrug. "I needed something to forget about you." He confesses.

My heart breaks, phy _sically_ breaks, and clenches.

"Oh baby." I whisper, bringing him into another hug and kissing his forehead.

We lay like that, with him curled in my arms, our limbs a jumbled mess.

 _Why? Why? Why? Why did my fifty have to hurt himself?_

I begin to lay down, slowly moving us so he's still nestled in my arms. For a long time, I just stroke his hair and whisper soft things, watching his sniffles die down.

He occasionally leans over and wipes away one of my tears as well.

"Don't cry for me, Ana. I don't deserve it." He murmurs.

More of my tears well up. "How do you expect me to not to cry. Christian, your back…"

"I know. Shhh….I know." He whispers, wrapping me tightly in his embrace. "Don't worry about my back. I'm more concerned about you. Ana, you lost weight; you know how I feel about you eating." He gently rebukes, his voice taking on that natural parent tone.

I try my best frown. "Christian, really, you have no right to scold me when you're in this condition. Yes, I lost weight, but at least I'm not the one that has cane welts all over their back." I chide.

A ghost of smile crosses Christian's lips. "Oh, how I missed your smart mouth, Ms. Steele."

I shake my head. "Christian, this is not a joking matter. Now, I'm going to get some supplies to help clean your wounds."

Christian pouts, _actually_ pouts, his bottom lip sticking out in the most adorable way. "Ana, you don't have to take care of me. All I want to do is hold you for a little while longer. Please, my back will heal itself, just give it two more days."

Despite his tight grip on me, I wiggle out. "No, Christian. You need to have all of your cuts cleaned, so unless you want to explain an infection to your mother, I suggest you tell me where you put the arnica cream."

Christian lifts a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, and I challenge him back with my own eyebrow raise, crossing my arms and showing him that I'm not backing down on this matter.

Christian's face finally breaks out into his panty-dropping smile. "Top left drawer in the Playroom cabinet."

I nod, taking a deep breath and scurrying out.

The playroom, I've been here a number of times. The last time was the worst. If I close my eyes, I can still feel the ten lashes of the belt cutting across my skin.

 _No, Ana! You're not his sub! You're not even his girlfriend. Do you need another lesson with the belt to teach you not to get your heart broken?"_ My unhelpful subconscious pipes in.

Deciding that she is wrong, I stomp her down and push open the playroom door.

I gulp as four bare, red wall greets me. All the canes, whips, and paddles are gone, leaving a room full of vacant racks. The room looks… _different_ …kind of empty.

I don't have time to ponder over this as I hurry to the cabinet. And true to his word, the arnica cream's in the top left drawer.

After closing the playroom door, I advance to the bathroom, finding some alcohol and gauze, as well as a bucket of cool water and towel.

Christian's lying in the exact same spot and position I left him in. I shudder, once again, at the sight of his back.

 _No wonder he passed out._

He turns his head slightly to look at me, and when he sees the bottle of alcohol in my hands, he makes another pouty face. "Aww…please." He begs.

I pretend to ignore him as I set everything down. "No, Christian. I'm sorry, but I need to disinfect the bleeding parts."

Christian keeps his bottom lip poked out while giving me his best puppy dog eyes. I bend over and kiss my favorite spot on his forehead, making his face light up. "Now, stay still so this will be quicker."

Christian does really well, keeping very still as I dab alcohol and water on his back, only occasionally hissing and grabbing the sheets.

I clean all of his cuts and blisters, as well as drying and putting gauze over them.

After finishing his back, I move down to his butt.

 _I mean, what other choice did I have?_

I carefully lift up his boxer and clean his welts, trying my best to ignore his dick and testicles.

Suddenly, my hand drops the alcohol wipe as I noticed something.

There was an obvious tent in Christian's pants, and his boxers were doing nothing to help conceal it. I can see the back of his dick standing straight up in attention from my angle.

I look down and back at my hands again.

 _Shit, how do I navigate this?_

Christian turns around, with much effort, and places his hands over his boner. He gives me a dashing yet shy smile.

"Christian…"

Before I can finish my sentence, Christian shushes me with his fingers. "Shh, Ana, don't worry. I'll take care of it. But honestly, you already know what your touch does to me, so this shouldn't be a surprise." he coos.

I must have blushed fifty shades of scarlet right there and then, trying to hide my face. Christian chuckles, tapping me on the nose. "You're so cute when you blush." He teases which makes me blush even harder.

Christian shoos me out of his rooms for five minutes to take care of his _not so little_ problem, and I huff in indignation.

"I don't mind you staying and watching, sweetheart, but I don't think you'll appreciate that, so shoo." Christian continues to merciless tease me, and I feel my heart melt at his playfulness.

After 5 minutes, I come back in and finish cleaning the rest of Christian's welts. When I'm all done, I persuade him into taking some pain-killers as well.

I can tell Christian's getting tired, he's yawning and having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He must've not slept well judging by the heavy bags underneath his eyes.

I go and change his sheets, grabbing a warmer comforter as well, and drape it over him.

"Sleep, Christian." I softly order, running my fingers along his stubbles.

He yawns again. "No, Ana, I don't want to go to sleep…we still need to talk." He mumbles.

I smile, kissing his forehead. "We'll talk tomorrow; Don't worry, I'm staying right here. For now though, just sleep." I say and kiss him once more.

"No…I don't want to sleep…I want to hold you…" Christian whines like a petulant child.

I brush away his matted, copper hair. "Shhh…I'll be right across the hall in the guest room if you need me."

I watch Christian's droopy eyelids drift shut and when I think he's completely asleep, I try to move as quietly as possible off of his bead. Suddenly, I feel Christian's fingers gently wrap around my wrist.

"No, Ana, please stay with me, please." He begs.

Looking at him, _my fifty,_ so vulnerable and lost, I can't help but crawl back on the bed. I know I shouldn't, but something tells me he needs me, and Christian has always been there for me, whether it was for my job or something else or simply because I needed a hug. And now, it was time for me to be there for him.

I gingerly curl up next to Christian, and I feel him pull me close to him while murmuring. "Sleep, baby." And just like that, I'm out.

 **A/N-Please leave a review if you have a second. They always make my day! Much love, Lauren.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3-Love?**

 **Christian:**

The pale sunlight streams through my window, and I rub by groggy eyes, making an unpleasant face when I accidently roll on my back.

Involuntarily, my hands reach for Ana.

But all I feel are the empty sheets besides me.

I bolt up, hissing as two cane welts rip open, and my eyes frantically scan the room for her.

 _But she's gone. She left, yet again._

I stumble out of my bed and stagger towards the door. But before my hands can even reach the knob, the door flies open, and there stands Ana.

"Christian, my gosh, what are you doing? You need to rest." she exclaims as she gently wraps her arms around me and guides me back to bed.

I crawl back in bed as she re-addresses my welts. "You really shouldn't move so much or these welts will never heal." She softly rebukes.

"I thought you left…" I mumble, ashamed, and I feel the now all-too familiar tears threaten to spill out.

Ana sighs, setting down the alcohol, which stings like a motherfucker.

"Christian." She sighs, cupping my cheek. I hesitantly meet her crystal, artic-ocean-blue eyes.

"Christian, I'm not going to leave, ok? I'm not going to abandon you like this; I've already called off work for the next couple of days. I was just making breakfast." She explains.

I stay quiet for the next couple of minutes, trying to comprehend everything she said, and reach for her hands. She lets me play with her long, slender fingers. Somehow, this act calms me.

"You called off work?" I ask.

"Ya." Ana squeaks, her cute blush creeping up as she lowers her eyes and retreats back to her shy self.

I continue to play with her fingers, and she does nothing to stops me. I think she's still a little afraid of me which breaks my heart.

After another few beats of silence, I tip her chin up and ask, "Why are you doing this?"

Ana's blue eyes duck down once again. "Because I still love you." She whispers, her voice achingly sad.

Regret sweeps through me as I tug her onto my lap, wrapping her in a comforting hug. This whole time, I've only been focused on me and my needs that I forgot about her. I forgot about that Ana has been hurting as well.

I rock her from side to side in my arms as I feel her tears drip down my back. "Shhh, baby…I'm so, so sorry. I love you too, so much." I murmur in her ear and kiss the side of her head, but she just cries harder.

"Shhh, shhh, it's ok." I say, cradling her. I hardly realized that my back was bleeding again.

"Please, don't do this." Ana snivels, heart-breaking sobs wrenching her body, and my own heart clenches.

"Do what?" I whisper.

"Make me love you."

And with that, my heart, whatever low life kind it is, simply shatters. I know I've hurt her, and somehow, I need to regain her trust, no matter how long it takes.

I cradle her, providing as much comfort as I can. Ana cries as I rub my hands up and down the entire length of her back.

"I…love you so much and it hurts so bad…worse than the belt." Ana mumbles.

I kiss her soft, brown hair. "I know; I'm sorry." I murmur, hugging her tightly.

Ana sniffles, and I help smear a few tears away from her red, puffy eyes. "I…I…really…love you Christian…but I can't be what you need."

"And what do you think I need?" I ask, tipping her chin up once again so she's forced to look at me.

Ana's whimpers become more pronounced as she chokes on a few sobs. "You need…someone…that will bend to your will…someone…that has a high pain tolerance threshold…someone that's not me…." she hiccups.

And with that, my heart breaks all over again.

"Ana, you're wrong, I don't need any of that. All the Dom, subs, belts…they're not important compared to you."

"What do you mean Christian?"

"Well…" I hum, tracing lazy circles on her back. "I…was wondering…if you'd give me the honor to be your boyfriend?"

Ana's only response to my question was shoving her head further into the crook of my neck and crying.

"Shhh…" I pet her hair even though I'm falling apart myself.

 _Does this mean she doesn't want to be my girlfriend?_

"Christian…" Ana hiccups. "I…I'm still not what you need…I don't think I…can just…jump back in a relationship with you…I have been so confused and hurt that I don't trust myself anymore."

I sigh, kissing her head.

"Shh, baby, I understand." I whisper in her ear.

I know I've hurt Ana, and when my belt sliced across her tender skin, I know whatever trust she placed in me has evaporated. I know it's going to take time for her to trust me again. I know it's going to take time for her to find the girl that was once Anastasia. And I know it's going to take time for her body to trust me again. I know all of this and I'm willing to wait, no matter the time.

Ana finally looks up, her face a tear stained mess, and I run my thumbs along her cheeks.

"Please don't cry…" I murmur.

Ana sniffles once more and I kiss the salty tracks running along her face. "Ana," I say, taking her hands. "I know it's going to take time for you to trust me again. I'm not asking us to go back to the way we were before everything. All I want to do is go on a few dates with you, maybe get to know each other a little better, and then we'll decide about the rest later."

Ana tugs on the hem of her sweater and my breath hitches.

"Really? You'll do that?" She finally whispers, peeking up at me through shy, blue eyes.

"Of course I will." I whisper back.

And for the first time, a small smile touches Ana's face. I grin when I see her cute, little dimple.

"So…" I drag out my words, trying to be playful as I squeeze her knees. "Do I have a deal?"

"This started with a deal." Ana giggles, and my heart combust into happiness at the carefree sound.

"Well…this is a different type of deal…I promise, no contracts." I say, raising my hands in surrender and I can actually feel my own eyes dance.

Ana giggles again, and I know my answer.

 _(Few hours later)_

Ana re-cleans my welts as I hiss.

"Stay still, Christian." She chides, gently pressing down on me.

"Oh, I guess you didn't realize that pouring alcohol on open skin fucking hurts, Anastasia." I growl, but you can hear the playful edge in my voice.

Ana huffs. "Well, if you knew this'd hurt, you shouldn't have canned yourself."

"Good point as always." I grumble.

Ana leans down and kisses a few spots on my back in hopes to placate me. "There, does that make it better?" she teases.

"Much." I say, turning around and giving her my shy smile that she likes.

Just as Ana finished up, Taylor knocks on our door, two McDonald's bags in his hand.

I lift a skeptical eyebrow as Ana and Taylor exchange a look, both cracking a smile.

"Your food, Ms. Steele." Taylor sets the bags down and retreats, but not before winking at me.

I continue to stare as Ana takes out two Big macs, two large fries, two cokes, chicken nuggets…You know, all the works.

"Mr. Grey…" I look up and see the mischief dancing in Ana's eyes. "I haven't had junk-food for the last two months because a certain contract stated that I'm only allowed to eat healthy food, but since I'm not bound by that arbitrary contract anymore, I say we both deserve a treat, don't you?" she says, and she looks so positively adorable that I have to smile.

"Of course, dig in." I say, helping myself to the fries.

 _What I didn't tell Ana is that she could have ice-cream and chocolate bars for dinner and I still wouldn't mind because she lost so much fucking weight in the past week._

But as I munch on fries and hamburgers, I forgot how good fast-food tasted. I look over, and Ana has a satisfied smile on her face.

"Good?" I ask, and Ana flops down on her back, beaming up at me.

"I've never felt better." She answers, and I nuzzle my nose against her.

We lay like that on my bed, with me running my hands through her long hair and murmuring soft things in her ears.

Ana gazes up at me, and she's smiling so big that I find myself grinning like a fool as well.

"I should go to bed…" she yawns, and I smile.

"Ok, babe, all your stuff is still in the sub room, I just couldn't throw it away. As for sleeping, I, of course, would like for you to sleep with me, but if you feel more comfortable on your own, I understand that as well."

Half an hour later, Ana's showered and dressed in PJ's. She gingerly crawls into my bed but scoots all the way to the other side.

With much effort, I lean over and kiss her head. "Goodnight, sweetheart." I whisper before flicking off the lights.

 _(Middle of the night)_

I wake up to the sound of someone throwing up, I immediately sit up when I recognize it's Ana. I stumble towards the bathroom, hissing every step of the way until I see her. My poor baby is bent over the toilet, her long hair hanging in distressed strands around her face as another wave of nauseous takes her.

I crouch by her, gathering her hair and rubbing her back.

"Baby, are you alright? What happened?" I ask, concern clear in my voice.

Ana swats my hand away. "No, Christian, I'm fine, you need to rest…blah." She throws up again and I roll my eyes.

" _Ana, you don't sound fine, and I'm certainly not leaving you like this. Do you want me to call my mom?"_ I ask, tying her hair in a ponytail as I get some tissues to wipe her mouth.

Ana shakes her head. "No, Christian, I'm fine…really, it's no problem, let's go back to bed."

I help her tired form up and pull her against me, guiding her to our bed and tucking her in. I crawl in so I'm facing her as well and my hand rubs her belly.

"Baby, please tell me what happened." I plead, continuing to rub my hands up and down.

Ana looks sheepish and she's refusing to meet my eyes. "You have to promise not to be mad, though." She whispers, peeking up at me.

"I promise." I tell her, bringing her into a hug.

Ana cuddles closer to me. "I'm not sure what happened…but my guess is that my stomach didn't tolerate McDonalds very well because um…I haven't really been eating…you know…for the past week…" she whispers.

I close my eyes as regret washes through me. "You didn't eat at all?" I quietly ask.

Ana fidgets with her fingers. "I mean…I had two bananas." She squeaks.

I don't say anything as I wrap my arms tighter around her. "Ok, baby, I'm not mad. You have to learn to take care of yourself though." I admonish, shooting her a disapproving look.

"And you have to learn not to cane yourself." Ana tallies back.

I crack a smile. "Fair point well made, Ms. Steele."

Ana hums as I kiss her head a few times. "I knew nothing good could come of McDonald, my mother was always right about that. Do you want me to call Gail and ask her to make some chicken soup?" I ask, just enjoying the feel of Ana curled up in my arms.

 _(Two days later)_

I get out of bed, stretching my still-sore body before swinging my legs to the side and standing up. I make my way to the kitchen.

Ana's dancing around the stove while flipping pancakes. She's swaying her hips as she hums along to a soft jazz song playing on the radio.

 _Well can't you see that it's just raining_ _There ain't no need to go outside._

 _But baby, you hardly even notice, when I try to show you_ _This song is meant to keep ya from doing what you're supposed to_ _Like waking up too-early, maybe we can sleep in._

 _I'll make you banana pancakes, pretend like it's the weekend now_ _We can pretend it all the time_

 _can't you see that it's just raining_ _There ain't no need to go outside…_

"Good morning, beautiful." I greet, smiling my most dashing smile and making my presence known.

Ana smiles back, her blue eyes sparkling in the morning sun, and she crooks her finger. "Morning handsome."

I saunter over and plant a firm kiss on her forehead, causing her to giggle. She lifts up her spatula and feeds me a small piece of pancake.

I smile, turning off the stove and twirling her around. Her eyes light up as she bounces around before running back to my arms.

"Did I ever tell you how. fucking. adorable. you are?" I growl, leaning over so I have her cornered against the counter and I feel myself grinning from ear to ear.

Ana blushes, fumbling with my sweatshirt she's wearing, and I help her finish the pancakes, making sure to lick all the extra dough off of her fingers.

After breakfast, I turn around for Ana to check my back. To be honest, it doesn't bother me anymore, I have gotten used to it, but she throws a fit if I don't let her.

 _Not that I'm complaining when her hands are on me…_

"Finally, it's starting to scab." Ana mutters to herself, delicate fingers tracing the outline of each welt. "However, I still rather you rest than move around so much." She adds the last part quietly.

I turn around so she's straddling me. "Ana, sweetheart, you really shouldn't worry about me too much. I am fine, it doesn't bother me. I have hidden cane welts like these for three years when I was with Elena, so moving and what not comes naturally, it looks a lot worse than it feels." I tell her.

Ana nods, laying her head on my shoulders. "I just wish the bitch troll and your Dom could go die or something…" she mutters and I laugh.

"Well, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon, but I'll tell Jose your best regards." I joke.

Ana's head shots up. "Your Dom was a guy?" she asks, incredulous.

I nod, laughing. "Yes, babe, Jose is a guy. Would you rather it was girl?"

Ana immediately scrunches up her face. "No, it just came as a surprise, that's all. Although I still wish he'd die. Seriously, who could do that to another human being? Christian, you must have at least fifty cane welts on you back, that's not ok."

I smile at how protective Ana is. "Ok babe, but Jose is not that bad, I may or may not have goaded him into punishing me."

Just as I finished my sentence, Taylor comes in, stoic mass in place.

"Mr. Grey, someone's at the door."

"Who?" I snap, annoyed that this asshole is ruining my perfect moment with Ana.

"Jose."

 **A/n**

 **Ahh, so I know that's a cruel place to leave the story, but I promise nothing too bad is going to happen.**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who has read/followed/favorited/reviewed this story, it means absolutely the world to me and I love reading all the reviews! I hope this chapter turned out ok (I realize it might be a little choppy with all the dialogue)**

 **P.S-for those of you who are curious, the song Ana was listening to is called** _ **Banana Pancakes**_ **by Jack Johnson, it's one of my favorite.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4, Mac-n-Cheese.**

 **Jose:**

I lean against the elevator as it takes me up to the 25th floor.

I've finally gotten Christian's address out of Elena, even though it took a little bit of alcohol. While she was drunk, she also spilled the details of her and Christian's relationship.

To say I was disgusted would've been the biggest understatement. Elena has always made my skin crawl, but since she had the most reputable BDSM club in Seattle, I tolerated her. Needless to say, after this piece of information, I'm pulling out.

 _No wonder Christian is fucked up. She molested him._

I wanted to check up on Christian, make sure he is ok. All I know is that I canned him super hard and that Taylor had to carry him out because he couldn't walk. I feel horrible for what I did, no matter what happened between him and his sub, I should've talked to him about it instead of jumping to such a rash decision.

The elevator door dings open, and someone punches me, square in the face.

"Ahhh, what the fuck?" I hiss, holding my eye.

"Ana! What the hell…" Christian gasps, and I assume he takes her because I hear struggling.

I slowly open my good eye, and sure enough, there's a small brunette struggling in Christian's arms. She's trashing around as Christian grabs her shoulders. I can tell his grip is not too firm on her by the way he's holding her.

"Ana! What are you doing? Please calm down. I promise Jose's not bad." Christian shouts, continuing to hold her until she stops struggling.

Ana finally stands still and wraps her arms protectively around Christian but glares at me.

 _If looks could kill…_

I raise my hands in surrender. "Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble, I only wanted to come check on Christian." I explain.

Ana continues to glare at me. "He's fine, thanks to you." She spits.

Christian brings his arm around Ana. "Baby, please don't be like this. I asked him to canned me, it was my free will." He says.

Ana slaps his hand away. "Yeah, and if you asked him to kill you, would he have done that as well?" she fires back.

I bow my head, truly contrite.

Christian shoots Ana a disapproving look but keeps his arms around her. "I think I owe both of you an explanation." He says, gesturing towards the couch.

Christian and Ana sits down, and I smile at how cute they are. She fits perfectly in the crook of his neck with his arm wrapped around her. I can tell they complement each other in almost every way. She's probably pretty quiet, introverted, but has a fierceness in her eyes that I haven't seen, and Christian is this big, tough guy with a certain softness to him.

"Wait, is this the girl you were telling me about?" I ask.

 _If this is his sub that he told me about when he didn't stop for her safe word, she sure forgives a little too quickly._

Christian smiles real big, pride and joy radiating off his very being. "Yep, this is Anastasia, my girlfriend." He states, and I don't think I've ever seen someone so proud as he kisses her cheek.

Ana gives him a kiss back but she's still nailing me with a look that could freeze blood.

"Is she your sub as well?" I ask carefully. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt her again.

The word sub immediately makes Ana shrink into Christian's arm, and I feel bad if I accidentally scared her.

Christian tightens his hold on Ana, and I see him squeeze her hand for reassurance. "No, I've abandoned that aspect of my life. Ana's too important." He says, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry…It's just you said last time…" I trail off, unsure how to continue.

Christian sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Ana's glare changes into a subtle look of curiosity as she stares at me.

"I…um…may or may not have tricked you into canning me." Christian confesses, and I raise my eyebrows.

"I did belt Ana, but she never safe worded, what I told you was simply a lie because I knew it would get you mad enough to punish me." Christian elaborates.

Both Ana and I gasp. "You told him you didn't stop when I safe worded? Christian, we both know you would never do that. I was the one that forgot to safe word." Ana exclaims, turning around in his lap.

Christian smiles up at Ana, his grey eye crinkling at the edges. "I know, sweetheart, but I still needed to punish myself for hurting you, and I didn't see any other way to convince poor Jose." He says, winking at me, and I feel utterly ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I should've never canned you, even if what you told me was true. It was a stupid, cruel decision on my part, I'm sorry." I confess.

Christian brushes it off, chuckling. "It's really ok. Stop beating yourself up, man. Everything's fine now." He says, grinning at Ana and tapping her nose.

"Ok, I just came to check on you, although you're obviously feeling better and I'm sure you're in good hands." I say, giving Ana a small nod, and for the first time, she smiles back at me.

"I better get going…and oh Christian…I'd keep her." I say, winking and walking towards the door.

"Jose, wait a second." Christian says as I halt my steps. He comes back in two seconds later with an icepack.

"You better keep this, you're already starting to bruise." He says, pointing to my right eye.

I give him a smile. "Thanks man, and you, my little lady, have a mean swing." I say before stepping in the elevator.

 **Ana:**

Jose finally left, and I am scavenging the kitchen for food while Christian does some work in his office. Taylor said Ross has been going crazy since he's been absent for the past two weeks.

I'm craving junk food. I guess two-month of only healthy, non-processed food has finally done me in. As I open shelf after shelf, all I find are raw ingredients and spices.

 _No chips, no chocolate, no candy._

Nada. Nothing.

 _This man really is the world's biggest health freak._

Just as I was about to give up, something blue and yellow on the top shelf catches my eye. I immediately get a chair and stand on my tip toes.

To my surprise, I pull out a huge box of instant mac-and-cheese. As I look at the bright yellow and blue box, I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face.

 _Ha! I knew he had something he craves for!_

Smiling, I take the box and tip-toe to his office, knocking twice before entering.

Christian's bent over a pile of papers, but immediately perks up when I enter. He gives me his biggest smile while patting his lap.

I scurry over and straddle him, leaning down for a deep kiss. I feel Christian's grin against my face.

"What are you up to, sweetheart?" He asks, grey eyes twinkling.

I pretend to be mad and tick my tongue at him. "Why, Mr. Grey, I think you have been withholding some very important information from me."

Christian lifts a perfect brow. "Oh? And are you going to enlighten me on what this information might be?"

A devious smirk crosses my lips as I reveal the box of Kraft Mac-and-Cheese in my hands. "I didn't know you liked nursery food, Mr. Grey. Hmmm?" I say, trying to be playful.

Christian's whole demeanor instantly changes when he sees the mac-and-cheese. "Where did you find that, Ana?" His voice is no longer playful, but cold.

 _Huh?_

"Christian, I found it on the top shelf. Wait? Are you mad? I was thinking we could have this for dinner." I say.

Christian knocks the mac-and-cheese out of my hands. "No, don't toy with something you know nothing about, Anastasia."

"Wait, but it's just mac-and-cheese. Christian, is there something I should know?" I ask cautiously.

Christian stands up, abruptly dumping me off his lap. I almost fall. "No, Anastasia, leave it alone. And no, we're not having that for dinner, ever." He states.

 _What happened to my playful fifty?_

I feel hot tears sting my eyes. "Christian…please…you're scaring me." I sniffle before running out of the room. I hear Christian curse behind me.

 **Christian:**

Fuck! I've hurt her again, and she hasn't even been back for a whole week.

I listen to her footsteps scurrying up the stairs and I hear a door slam.

 _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

I slump down on my chair, roughly rubbing my face and internally cursing.

 _How do I explain the connection between the crack-whore and the mac-n-cheese to Ana?_

With heavy footsteps, I make my way to the kitchen, pouring boiling water into the tiny, blue cup before heading upstairs.

Ana's curled under the covers in the sub room, sniffling.

"Hey…" I say as gently as a man like me can. Ana doesn't say anything; she just buries her head in the pillow and lets her tears come.

I sigh, easing myself onto the mattress and wrapping my arms around her. I pull her against me and nuzzle my nose in her hair, inhaling her toxic sense.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you…I never want to scare you…" I murmur and kiss her head.

Ana just cries harder. "Christian…I don't understand…it's just mac-n-cheese…are you embarrassed or something because you like mac-n-cheese…or is it something else…I feel like you know everything about me, but I know nothing about you…I can accidentally do the smallest thing, and you'll just automatically close up…"

I sigh and pull her up. "Ana, I think there's something I need to tell you. In truth, I probably should've told you a long-time ago. How about you sit up? I brought you something." I say.

Ana gingerly sits up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. I stir the mac-n-cheese with a spoon before blowing on it and lifting it up to her mouth.

Ana obediently takes a bite, still sniffling.

"Good?" I ask, and she gives a little nod while I continue feeding her.

"You know...mac-n-cheese is the best comfort food ever. My birth mom made it for me once." I say, stroking Ana's back.

 _Flashback._

 _I'm curled up in the closet, belt marks and cigarette burns all over my body. I clench my stomach, trying to be quiet._

 _I didn't want the bad guy with the black boots to find me._

 _A door slams, and I hear the closet door creek open._

 _Mommy is crying, tears course down her face. "Baby boy…" she whispers as she tries to lift me, but we are both too weak._

 _She crawls towards the kitchen. In her hand is a beat-up blue cup. The cheese is all watery and cold, but it was the best thing I've ever tasted._

 _I gulp down the whole thing, only to realize I didn't leave any for her._

 _Her body turns cold._

 _End of flashback._

Ana's crying as I rub her back. "Why didn't you just tell me Christian, I would've never joked about mac-n-cheese if I knew what it meant to you. I'm sorry." She hiccups.

"No, Ana. I'm the one that's sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, yet again." I say, my hands playing with her hair. "I should've told you, but I didn't know how. I only eat mac-n-cheese when I'm sad or when I miss her. It's stupid really." I mutter.

Ana turns around and kisses my forehead. "It's not stupid, Christian. It's natural for you to miss your mother."

"Do you miss her now?" Ana asks.

I close my eyes. _This is it._

"No, not really. I hardly ever think about her when you're here…but it got really bad when you left…I felt the same abandonment...you know…from when she left…"

Ana gasps. "Oh Christian…" she whispers.

She leans over to kiss me but I stop her. "No, Ana. There's more."

 _Here it goes._

"Youlooklikeher." I mumble as fast as I can.

"Huh?"

I swallow dryly. "You look like her...I mean, all of my submissives did."

Ana pulls back, and I see a look of utter confusion and hurt cross her face. "I look like your…birth mom? The woman you call a crack whore?" her voice quivers.

I immediately hug her towards me. "No, no, no…I don't mean you're _like_ her, that couldn't be further from the truth. I mean you _look_ like her. Ana, I'm a sadist that enjoys beating and fucking brown hair girls that look like my birth mom. Flynn says I use it as a way to escape…"

 _She's going to run. Who wouldn't?_

My whole body stiffens when I feel the mattress dip.

 _She's leaving. I knew it._ I screw my eyes shut.

But instead of footsteps walking away, I feel two small hands wrap around my shoulders.

I stay like that for an eternity, not daring to move a single muscle, and Ana doesn't move either, keeping me in her tight embrace.

"You're not mad?" I finally squeak…risking a quick glance at her.

Ana cocks her head to the side. "Mad? Why would I be mad? I mean, don't get me wrong, it hurts knowing that I resemble her, but you said I'm not _like_ her, right?"

"Ana, please, you could never be like her, no matter what."

Ana nods, smiling. "So no, I'm not mad and I'm not going to run. Although I wish I knew this information sooner, I'm glad I know it now. Thank you for telling me, I know it wasn't easy."

Before she can say any more, I have her pinned beneath me and I'm kissing her with all the passion I can muster into this one kiss.

Ana kisses me back with equal passion.

"Oh god, Christian…" She moans, and starts taking off her shirt.

"Wait…are you sure about this?" I ask, panting as I slip off my own clothes as well.

"God yes…please…" Ana begs, she puts her arms above her and grabs the headboard.

I start trailing kisses down her body. "Baby…why are your hands up there? I'm not going to tie you." I say, a bit puzzled.

Ana smiles at me. "Because I don't want to accidentally touch you, Christian. BDSM or not, I will never breach your hard limit. I understand." She says, arching her back and presenting herself to me.

My eyes blur as I stare at the beautiful creature beneath me, her hands tightly grasping the headboard as her breathing labors.

I slowly un-pry her fingers and her blue eyes fly open.

"Christian, what are you doing?"

"Ana, I want…no, I need for you to be able to touch me."

And with that, I place her hand over my heart…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5-Everything you need**

 **Ana:**

Christian's morning wood is pressing into my backside, stirring me from my sleep. I'm too warm and a bit fuzzy with Christian wrapped around me like a vine. A lazy smile spreads across my face when I think about last night, my hand placed over Christian's heart.

I turn around, blinking open one eye, and he gives me a salacious grin. "Good morning, Ms. Steele."

I wiggle my eyebrows. "Good morning, Mr. Grey, so soon already?" I ask, scooting onto his erection.

Christian's eyes shine with mirth as he rolls on top of me. He nuzzles his nose into my breasts and hums an appreciation. I grip his shoulders, for the first time, without the fear of accidentally touching him.

Christian starts planting soft, tender kisses down my rib cage and on my stomach. Soon, I'm a panting, squirming mess and Christian looks positively smug.

He dips his finger into my pussy. "Hmmm…is this for me?" he asks, circling his finger in my wetness.

"Yes, yours.." I gasp as he continues his sweet, sweet torture.

Just as I think he's going to enter me, we hear the front door open and the smooth voice of a woman. "Christian?"

Christian curses silently under his breath as he helps me up. "Come on, get dress, my mother's here." He says, and I can't help it, I giggle.

"Again?" I ask, rolling over with laughter, and Christian's own eyes dance with amusement.

"Yes, I swear she has the best sense of timing. Come on, she probably wants to see you." He says, slipping his t-shirt over my head and tugging his sweat pants on me. He pulls the string tightly before knotting it.

"Wouldn't want these to fall off, would we?" he teases and slips a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt on as well. I bite my lips to keep myself from smiling too much.

He interlaces our hands before tugging me down to his kitchen where his mother is waiting.

Dr. Grace is still the same as I remembered her. She has her long, silky brown hair piled up in an elegant bun and she's talking kindly with Taylor, asking him about Sophie.

Christian greets her, kissing both her cheeks. "Hello Mother, do you still remember Anastasia?"

Dr. Grace looks surprised, but quickly conceals it. "Ana's here? Wait, I thought the media said you guys broke up."

Christian rolls his eyes heavenward, and I scurry to his side as he gives me his ultra-megawatt smile. "Well, I may or may not have fucked up…but we're all good now, right?" he turns around and asks me, and I know he's not only referring to the incident with the belt but also about the mac-n-cheese.

"Right." I respond, squeezing his hands for reassurance, and he lightly squeezes back.

"What was your argument about? What did Christian do?" Grace asks, and I can tell she's genuinely curious.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._

 _Think Ana, Think. What are somethings that normal couples argue about?_

"Uh….Uh….Uh…Christian wouldn't put the toilet seat back down." I blurt the first thing that comes to my mind.

 _Triple shit. Did I really just say that?_

I gingerly look up, and I can't tell who's more amused. Christian or his mother.

Grace raises her eyebrows. "You guys had a full-blown argument, almost a break up, because of a…toilet seat?" She doesn't sound convinced. At all.

I silently kick Christian, begging him for help.

"Um...Yeah, You know how bad my temper gets. One day, Ana reminded me at least a thousand time to put the toilet seat down, but I got super annoyed, so I yelled at her and um…I might have scared her a little bit." Christian explains.

Grace still doesn't seem convinced.

 _Yep, we are horrible liars._

"Enough of this break-up shit, we're fine now. Coffee anyone?" Christian abruptly changes the subject, waving a dismissive hand around and walking towards the kitchen to prepare the coffee.

I hurry over to help him, and soon there's three steaming cups of coffee on the table. I go to sit next to Christian, but he pulls me onto his lap instead, causing me to blush furiously.

Christian absentmindedly places my hand over his heart, and I enjoy the thump-a-dump-dump beating underneath my fingers.

We both hear the sound of a coffee cup shattering and look up to see Grace's hands over her moth, her brown eyes brimming with tears and coffee splattered everywhere.

"Christian…you…your…chest…you…her…hand…" she stutters, and it's no longer a well composed doctor in front of me, but an over whelmed mother.

Christian immediately lets me up, going over and embracing his mother. "Sssshh, mama bear. Everything's alright." He coos, rocking her from side to side.

He presses Grace into his chest, keeping her there as he rubs her back. Grace tries to fight him, pushing him away. "no Christian, I don't want to hurt you…" she stutters, but Christian finds the patience to continue holding her.

"No, don't fight me. You're not hurting me. I should've never pushed you away, I know you love me. I love you too." He whispers, and that makes Grace cry harder.

I grab two tissues and she dabs her eyes. "Oh Ana, thank you." She says, letting go of Christian and embracing me into the tightest of hugs.

When we finally break apart, I think my rib cage is possibly bruised. Christian chuckles, gently wrapping me into his hug as well.

"I think we better clean this coffee up before Gail throws a fit…" he teases and I give a teary, little laugh.

 _Two days later_

 **Ana:**

The glass building of GEH towers over me, but this time, I'm not intimidated. I'm still dressed in my work clothes, which consist of Christian's white dressed shirt tucked into my straight, black pencil skirt paired with black wedges.

I strut into the building, and the receptionist smiles at me. "Ms. Steele." She nods. I'm a little surprised she knows my name. I give her a polite smile and step into Christian's private elevator.

Andrea also nods at me. "Good afternoon, Ms. Steele. Mr. Grey is in his office." She says, gesturing towards the double, wooden doors.

I watch for the step that tripped me the first time as I walk in. Christian's bent over his desk, and a tall, African American woman is pointing to some numbers on a piece of paper besides him. I assume she's Ross.

They both look up when they see me. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything important." I say, blushing slightly.

Christian breaks out into a huge, face-splitting grin when he sees me, but Ross immediately runs up and throws her arms around me, almost knocking me off my balance.

"Oh Christian, is this her? She's beautiful." Ross gushes, spinning me around. I giggle.

In two long strides, Christian's by my side and he slings an arm around me. "Yep, she's my beautiful." He says, popping the p and kissing my cheek.

Ross is grinning from face to face. "So this is the girl that has our CEO head over heels. Well, Christian, I must say you have good taste." Ross says, still practically bouncing up and down with excitement. It's like I'm the new gossip girl.

Christian rolls his eyes. "Don't even think about it Ross, Ana's straight." He says, his hold tightening on me.

Ross raises her hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm just saying. Plus, I would never steal your girlfriend. Lord knows, you're already hard enough to work with." She teases and I decide that I like Ross.

Christian just waves Ross off. "I don't care, she's mine." He growls, making my blush more prominent.

Ross smirks. "Protective, aren't you?"

"Damn right."

"Well, I'll leave you two little love birds to do whatever you guys do. I'll type up a summary of these reports." Ross says, and with one last wink, struts out the door.

With Ross gone, Christian pulls me onto his lap and buries his nose in my hair. "Oh Anastasia, you have no idea how much I need you." He murmurs.

I turn around to straddle him, leaning our forehead together. "I love you…" I whisper, making a smile tug on Christian's lips.

As I continue leaning against Christian, I watch his smile fades. "What is it?" I ask, cradling his cheek.

Christian blows out a long sigh… "I'm worried about our session with Flynn. Ana, some of this stuff gets pretty dark…I don't know if you're ready to face it. I don't know if I'm ready to face it." He confesses, and I hug him towards me, rubbing my hands up and down the entire length of his back.

"Christian, I know you're scared, I am too, but we have each other. You need to deal with your issues and I have some of my own issues. I promise I'm not going to run."

Christian looks up at me, and the fear in his eyes nearly breaks my heart.

"You promise not to run? Cross your heart and hope to die?" he quietly asks.

I nod, smiling real big. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

Dr. Flynn is exactly how I imagined him with his dark hair, olive skin, and green eyes.

"Christian, my friend, it's been a long time. Please, have a seat." He greets after he shakes our hands. Something about his presence makes me relaxed.

Christian merely grunts his acknowledgment and sits down. I gingerly sit next to him and give his shoulders a squeeze.

Flynn smiles at us. "So Christian, it's been two years since you've seen me. I must say you look well, and your girlfriend is obviously beautiful. How did you guys meet?"

Christian and I both look at each other, a smile breaking across both our faces and Christian's grey eyes twinkle. "Well, Ana came to interview me…"

"And I fell, knees first, into his office." I add the last part, squeaking a little of embarrassment.

Flynn chuckles. "I see, and what happened after that?"

Christian briefly gives Flynn a rundown of our relationship. He explained everything from how I signed the contract to the how he whipped me with a belt to how he asked Jose to punish him.

Flynn is silent, steepling his fingers. "I see, so you still continued with BDSM...until recently that is." He clarifies.

Christian nods.

"Ok. I want to ask you something though, why was your first reaction to punish yourself instead of, let's say, trying to win Ana back?" Flynn asks.

Christian sighs, pulling at roots of his hair. "I don't know…I guess, it's what I've always known. Pain is easy to deal with, rejection not so much."

"You mean it's what Elena has taught you." Flynn corrects. My eyes widen as my breath hitches.

 _Ms. Robinson._

Christian buries his head in his hands and I rub his back. "I knew you were going to mention her." He mutters.

Flynn looks amused. "Well, you didn't expect me to just sit here and talk about the weather did you?

I can see Christian rolling his eyes. "No, no…We need to talk about her. You're right, I just don't want to."

Whatever smug expression Flynn was wearing is now completely gone and a look of utter surprise replaces his face. "That went easier than expected." He confesses.

Christian cracks a smile. "I call it the Anastasia effect."

Flynn nods. "I see, I must say she's a good influence. Now, about Elena. Ana, how do you feel about her?" Flynn turns around and asks me.

 _Would it be appropriate for me to say that I want to run her over with a car?_

"Um…I don't know to be honest, I know Christian considers Elena his friend, but I think she's a pedophile. I, frankly, hate her and I want to keep Christian away from her." I say, deciding that honesty is the best policy.

Flynn chuckles at this. "She pries on younger children, so she's a pedophile by definition. Ana, you're not wrong about that part."

Before I can respond, Christian interrupts me. He sounds angry. "She never pried on any children."

Flynn doesn't seem bothered by this, but calmly asks. "Were you not a child at 15, Christian? Did she not hurt you? Did you not tell me that after some of her punishments you couldn't walk for weeks, similar to the one with Jose? Did you not say she abandoned all after care?"

Christian becomes silent, his long eyelashes sweeping over his high cheekbones as he looks down. I wrap a comforting shoulder around him.

"Christian, I know this is hard to admit, but you are a victim. I know that she has hurt you, that she made you believe that you weren't worthy of any of your family or my love, that your birth mother had a right to abandon you, that you were worthless…but Christian, baby, you must understand, you mean the world to me, and I love you so, so much."

A solidarity tear rolls down Christian cheeks. "Oh Ana, you are going to unman me." he mutters, pressing an achingly tender kiss to my lips.

When we look up, Flynn is smiling lovingly at us. "Christian, I'm sorry friend, but I don't think you need me anymore, you already have everything you need right beside you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6-Happily Ever After**

 _11 years later_

 _(Phoebe's 8 and Teddy's 10)_

 **CG:**

I watch from the foyer as Phoebe dances along with Ana, both of them breaking out into giggle fits. My daughter is laughing hysterically while Ana twirls her around, and around, and _around._

She suddenly spots me. "Daddy!" She screams, practically leaping into my arms.

"Hey monkey!" I exclaim, matching her excitement level as I toss her up into the air and catch her.

She's only 8 years old, but she was already so spirited and funny and beautiful and she was the most precious thing to me, along with Ana and Teddy of course.

I fake tackle her to the ground, tickling her merciless. "Stop it Daddy! Stop it!" she laughs until there are tears in her eyes.

I finally let her up, helping her adjust her wrinkled clothes. "Ok monkey, how about you go play with Teddy and Taylor outside. They're missing a quarter back for football, you know?" I ask her and watch her sprint towards our backyard.

Looking over, I see Ana smiling a loving smile, but her face quickly changes into one of concern. "What is it?" she asks me, coming over and cradling my cheek.

I let out a big sigh. "Kate and Elliot were thinking of sending Ava to boarding school, and you know once Ava goes, Phoebe's gonna want to…"

Ana clasps her hands over her mouth. "Oh Christian, they wouldn't…I'll go talk to Kate, I'm sure it's just a rash decision they haven't thought out. You know how impulsive both Kate and Elliot can be."

I shake my head. "I don't know. Elliot seems pretty set on it, and he said Ava was actually excited. It's not permanent, Ava comes back on the weekend and parents are allowed to visit. But I'm just scared, you know how close Phoebe is to Ava. Those two are fucking inseparable." I say, borrowing my head in my hands and I feel Ana rub my back.

"Oh Christian, I know you're worried, but let me talk to Kate. I can't believe she's for this. Ava's only nine for crying out loud. And even if Ava did go, I will convince Phoebe to stay with us, although I don't think I'll have to. It's true Phoebe likes Ava, but she loves her family more. Do you really think she'll put up with not seeing you for a whole five days?"

I smile at how wonderful my wife is. After all these years, she never ceases to amaze me. "Oh Ana, Have I ever told you I love you?" I murmur, cradling her face in my hands and brushing my lips against hers.

Ana smiles against me. "Yes, I believe a certain, endearing CEO tells me that all the time." She says, trailing her hands up and around my back and deepening the kiss. "Now, I'm going to go give Kate a piece of my mind."

I watch my now angry wife march out to where Kate, Elliot, Gail, Taylor, Ava, Teddy and Phoebe are playing football. She practically drags Kate out by the ear, and I watch in amusement as she has what seems to be an heated argument.

I continue to watch as Kate calls Ava over, and then Phoebe follows, Elliot also joins.

Soon, I hear a light pattering of footsteps running up the stairs and Phoebe is in my arms, tears brimming her bright grey, grey eyes.

"What's wrong, Monkey?" I ask, thumbing away her tears.

"Ava says…says…she's going away…she says I should go to her new school with her, but I wouldn't be…able to see you as much…" Phoebe sniffles.

I heave a deep sigh. This is exactly what I was afraid of. "Well, monkey, do you want to go with Ava?" I ask.

 _Of course I wouldn't allow her to go to some fucking boarding school. My brother could be the biggest dumbass sometimes, and I didn't care two shits about how prestigious it was. And I always wanted to keep an eye on my children at all times, especially with my experience and Elena, who's now in Jail. But I still wanted to hear my daughter's opinion._

A frown tugs on Phoebe's lips. "I don't want to, I don't want to be away from you or mommy." She quietly sniffles.

I try to hide the smile blossoming across my face. _Ana was right, I'm worrying over nothing._

"Phoebe, sweetheart, you don't have to be away. I will never make you do that and I wasn't planning on it. Now, I know you want to be with Ava, but we'll get plenty of opportunities to visit her and she'll be back on the weekends."

My words seem to sink in as Phoebe furrows her eyebrows and thinks this through. Miraculously , her tears stop and she wipes them away with the back of her hands.

"Really?" she asks, her voice still a little shaky from crying.

"Really." I confirm, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Teddy soon comes running up as well. "Dad, Phoebe's not leaving, is she?" he asks.

I smile at my son. He's so mature at such a young age while Phoebe's more sensitive. I ruffle his brown curls. "No Teddy, you both aren't leaving for a long, long time. Not until college at least." I say smiling and Teddy gives me his wide, toothy grin.

 _7 years later_

 _(Phoebe's 15 and Teddy's 17)_

"Dad!" Phoebe exclaims, rolling her eyes and stomping her feet as I pinch the bridge of my nose.

 _God, this child can be exasperating._

"Phoebe." I start again, taking a few deep, calming breaths. "I know you don't want me to meet this guy you're seeing, but you know I need to meet him because…"

"Because you are very powerful and someone could be using me to hurt you and you want to protect me and blah, blah, blah. I heard it all before, but seriously Dad, I am fine. I am not naïve. I will not let myself be used. Paul is not bad. Why the hell don't you trust me?" Phoebe rambles, rudely interrupting me.

"Phoebe Grey! You will not disrespect me! Now I suggest you cut your attitude before I don't allow you to see Paul at all." I snap.

"Oooohhhh, so scary." Phoebe mocks.

 _Why is it that I can make a full room of grown men coward but I can't intimidate my 15 year old daughter?_

"Phoebe, I need you to go to your room because I'm too frustrated right now to have this conversation. We'll talk later about this dude Paul, but for now, go to your room." I command in my CEO voice.

"Fine." Phoebe sasses and slams the door.

 _Ugh, this girl. What am I going to do?_

Soon, there's a light knock on the door, and Ana's blue eyes come peeking behind the heavy oak.

"Phoebe stressing you out again?" she asks gently.

I nod, pinching the bridge of nose. "She doesn't take her safety seriously. She's still too young." I mutter.

Ana comes, messaging my shoulders and easing away the built up tension. "Christian, you're a wonderful father. You need to continue be patient with Phoebe. She's at a confusing stage in life, trying to figure out who she is and what not. She's going to be rebellious and we need to just give her some space and time. I agree that we should meet Paul, but we need to be understanding towards her as well." Ana explains.

I nod, combing my fingers through my hair. "Ok, I'll go talk to her." I say and Ana gives me an encouraging smile.

When I approach my daughter's room, the music from that Taylor girl is blasting.

" _I've got a blank space, baby…"_ I hear Phoebe sing.

Sighing, I knock and push open the door. Phoebe's stops in the middle of her signing and looks annoyingly at me. "What do you want?"

I give her my own annoyed look. "Phoebe, I suggest you cut the attitude, I came here to talk." I say, sitting on her bed and patting the spot next to me.

Phoebe seems like she still wants to argue, but she reluctantly sits next to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Phoebe, I know you don't want me to meet Paul, but I need to make sure you're in good hands. Phoebe, sweetheart, you are still so young and have so much to learn, there are bad people in this world. Very bad people. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. So I'm going to meet this Paul, and Taylor's going to chaperon your first date. I know it's not ideal, but I promise Taylor will be far enough to give you guys privacy. He will also not report anything about your date to me unless it concerns your direct safety. I will also try not to embarrass you in front of Paul. How does that sound? Hmmm?" I ask.

Phoebe thinks this over, her eyebrows furrowing just like mine. "I guess…" She mutters.

I smile real big and kiss her hair. "Ok well, call your boyfriend. We're having pasta for dinner." I say, giving her a cheeky grin and Phoebe groans.

Paul's one of those typical American boys with bright blonde hair and clear blue eyes. He's wearing a big, wide grin as he slings his arm around Phoebe who immediately blushes on cue.

I silently growl to myself.

Paul suddenly spots me, and I can tell his confidence swindle drastically. "Mr. Grey...I mean…sir….it's a…a…pleasure to meet…you…sir."

I smirk.

 _Even if I can't intimidate my daughter, at least I can still scare the shit out of her boyfriend._

"Paul." I say coolly, sticking a nonchalant hand out.

My smirk widens when I feel his sweaty and clammy hands.

Paul's nervously twisting his pasta while Phoebe's glaring at me. Finally, I decided I should put the poor boy out of his misery.

"So Paul, do you play any sports?" I start the conversation.

"Um…yes sir….um…football…sir…" Paul stutters.

I roll my eyes, something I learned from my daughter, "Paul, you can relax with the sirs. I'm not going to chop your head off."

 _Yes, but I would like to chop your dick off._

Phoebe continues to glare at me while I give her a not-so-apologetic shrug. Both she and Ana kicks me under the table while Teddy comes to Phoebe's rescue, starting some conversation about football with Paul.

I smirk at my son.

Dinner went smoothly after that and I didn't give Paul too hard of a time. After Phoebe and Paul leave for their movie date with Taylor a safe distance behind them, Ana and I crawl into bed.

Ana smiles mischievously at me. "You're an excellent Father. I think you made Ray proud." She says, her blue eyes dancing.

I let out a loud chuckle. "I have never been so scared in my entire life. Your dad is definitely something."

"Hmmm…" Ana hums, rolling over so she's snuggled perfectly in the crook of my arms. "What did he say to you?" She asks, remembering Ray whispered something into my ear the day of our wedding.

I hum a response, trailing soothing circles on Ana's stomach. "Hmmm, that's for me to know and you to find out, but if you really want a hint, I said the same thing to Paul before he left."

Ana lazily smiles up at me. "Must be a father thing, huh?" she asks and I nod, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her lips but she senses my wariness.

"Christian." She says, sitting up and wrapping her arms around me. I allow myself to nuzzle my nose between her warm breasts. "What's wrong?" Ana asks, and I can hear the concern in her voice.

"I was just thinking…what if something happened to Phoebe? You never know, I mean Grace and Carrick never suspected anything. What if the same thing happened to Phoebe?" I ask, trying to contain the panic out of my voice.

Ana immediately hugs me towards her. "Christian, nothing's going to happen to Phoebe. I know you're worried, but she's in good hands. You met Paul and Taylor's watching over her. You know Phoebe's practically his second daughter, he'll never allow anything to happen to her. As for Elena, she's in Jail. She can never harm you or anyone anymore." Ana tells me and I bury my head into her strawberry scented hair. Just her smell alone is enough to calm me.

"You're. fucking. Beautiful." I growly slowly in her ears, watching goosebumps break across her skin as I start nibbling along her neck.

I roll on top of her, positioning myself between her dripping wet folds before gently pushing into her.

"Ugh…Christian…faster…" Ana pants and I happily oblige.

Soon, we're both bathing in our post-orgasmic high when we hear the front door open. "You stay here…I'll go check. It's probably Phoebe." I tell Ana who gives me a breathtaking smile.

Sure enough, I see Phoebe walking through the front door. She's wearing a huge smile and I watch for a second as she twirls around several times in the kitchen.

Taylor nods towards me, telling me everything went fine and I give him a nod back. I silently saunter up to my daughter. She's too engrossed in her own world to even notice me but gives a surprised squeak when I suddenly grab her hands and spin her around, the exact same way I would when she was just a little girl.

She giggles, the care free sound sending my heart swirling, and crashes into my arms as she gives me a big hug.

"How was your date?" I ask, trying to sound indifferent. Phoebe squeals, her cheeks a faint red.

"It…was good…he was really sweet." She says, fiddling with her fingers.

I smile lovingly at my daughter. "Good, I'm glad. Now Phoebe, I know we had this talk before, but I still want you to be careful, ok? If you ever feel unsure of something, I want you to come talk to me or your mother. We'll always be here for you." I say, sounding as serious as I can.

Phoebe nods, giving me another hug. "I know, and I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I know you just want the best for me."

I smile, ruffling her curls. "It's quite alright, I have a sneaky suspicion it won't be the last time." I say, giving her a cheeky grin.

Phoebe sticks out her tongue and I smile as I watch her climb the stairs to her room.

 _Even though my family is a pain in the ass sometimes; I love all of them and I would never have it any other way._

 **The End.**


End file.
